Be Not Afraid

I had a vivid dream - hyper-real and what some people refer to as "visitation dreams." It was this picture, hovering behind my lids as I started to wake. Except it wasn't the picture per se, but the event itself - in explosive color and realism. Fuzzy red tights hugged my calves, and I reexperienced for a moment the inexplicable, expectant joy that anything “red” brought to me as a child. My big toes wobbled and rolled as I swung my weight forward and back. A duck paddled in wide circles to my right, letting out a listless little “quack” of greeting as it neared me. I heard the lap of small ripples against the concrete at my feet, and smelled the mineral, earthy aroma of pond water.

I was there, leaning out over the water, testing my own strength and courage. I delighted in the feeling of being brave because I knew I was safe, and swung myself out even further. A giggle bubbled up in my chest. I felt the sash pulled taught across my front, and the strong hand holding me from behind, although I couldn't see it.

I lay in bed and let consciousness seep in with ever-greater clarity, but I kept my eyes closed to savor the moment because I knew when I opened them, the image - as real as it was - would simply disband in a poof. I let myself inhabit the scene for as long as possible and as a tear leaked out from behind one lid, the message I heard was this: "This is our relationship now. You may not see me, but I'm right here behind you and I won't ever let you fall. This is how it will be."

Be brave.

All is well.

This is how it will be.

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